This is a long read. Just a quarter of this novel I wrote awhile ago. I cringe at some of it, because I was younger, with a great lack of wisdom. Although I think I caught detail of the action pretty well.
-
Burning Christmas – A Tale of Terror
I don’t think Im cut out to write a children’s book. Ive always wanted to, but somehow my absurd & dark sense of humor always takes the house.
-
Balance
I don’t usually preface my prose, but I think this one is important that I explain. This peice comes at the end of a hard year plus of soul searching after acknowledging to myself that I was sexuslly assaulted. After nearly two years plus I buried it deep, but in the fall of 2024 on a cold morning while filling my car at Costco it all came back and hit me like bricks of ice. I barely made it through the day at work, but I did it somehow. All assault victims experience the same things, but men especially white men are given very little acceptance or grace by soceity as a whole, left & right ideologies judge heavy on your worth after, or even your right to claim victimhood in a world that wants you silent. It took most of the year to consider myself a survivor.
I guess its the times, but I have spent a very long time pondering aggreivment after being swallowed by it and spit out. The pull to hate and rage at those of the opposite sex was strong, some days it had consumed me. Too blame ALL women for the actions of a few, is absurd! I don’t want to be bitter or aggrieved, I think this poem captures the toxic cycle of aggreived victimhood. I had come to terms and this poem exposes what it is. Yours, Jake
Why does the bar tip the other way, while trying to equate and balance both sides?
to much weight on one pan
the fulcrum tilts, the beam always holds, the beam always wins
the villians are now the oppressed, the once oppressed villiansTransmutation of suffering into bitter rage
Alchemized survivor becomes the predator
Spittle & spite
Vengance so bright
Inferior to superior
Your Humanity now blight
My dear organizing systems forming entwining, no boundaries of the bottomless hunger
of self-righteous rage
the victims, the survivors
It doesnt matter to It who is in control, It doesnt care about justification, the thing exists.
Hoary worm of eons crushes bones, devours flesh, pukes blood, gnashing sinew, slurps guts, sucks entrails smashed
made into mash
Bulbous rot, engorging the gullet, suffering inside the gaping hole, digested birthing vile gas from the fermented bile of humanities sins
Orborus the obese worm, engorged distented on your suffering; prey-as-to-predator-to-victim-survivor-as-to-predator…as-to-victim…it’s the sweet….
…suffering
sweet…..
…sweet…….sufferingsuffering
©️ Jacob A. Pickard. 2025. -
Cacophony
Cacophony Album Cover – Rudementary Peni release 1988
A wall of sound, like a train into solid mountain granite
A cacophonic quartet of smashing rhythm
Surrounded by darkness and a halo of thin light.
The bar, black walls, stale smoke and beer
Illumination of execution by genocide, crucifixion for/of beliefs
Murder, letting of blood
Metamorphosis
Material to ethereal, body to spirit
Or some would call it glory, ascendancy of man to heaven
Cyclical thunderous melody, droning and blooming into monotonous complexity
Bombastic renewal of circles cycles, of intricate repetition.
The eye of Isis, the death and rebirth of Osiris. The annual flooding of the Nile.
Life is a system, the process of rearrangement of cyclical moving parts, like a wall of sound.
Written around ~1995 after seeing the band Neurosis at Okayz Corral in Madison, WI. It was so loud I couldn’t hear correctly for an entire week. ©Jacob A Pickard. 2025.
-
Family
I know i dont blog on personal things often and some would say when i do im not serious.
Here are some of my relatives. Not to sure if you could pick me out.
-
Strength
I’m stronger than you’ll ever be
Because, to endure and have your sanity, to make it so long, a clearly defined character, rock hard in its clarity
I am strength
hidden in the hot exhale of your breath
only seen in the cold void
when there is nothing left
©️ Jacob Pickard. 2025. -
Look Into my Eyes
Yup. Not at my prime yet, just still a little naive. Senior High school picture ~1992. Very supple, stoned often, punk not glam metal but I was forced to comb out my long flowing locks. I was 18, so yes legal. 😉
-
ALIEN_RELAY 2.0 – A brief History of the 1000 year Republican Majority
A brief History of the 1000 year Republican Majority
ALIEN_RELAY 2.0 – A brief History of the 1000 year Republican Majority -
Absolute Favorite Song, Group, or type of music?
Okay people out there in WP land this is a difficult question and one that is very hard to answer.
It gets worse if you have diverse musical genres you enjoy and listening moods that you mold the music around your feelings or state at the time.
Personaly; punk, hardcore, metal, & rock have been my main as well as many of the sub-genera’s of them all. Dark wave, industrial, blues, Ambient, folk, Folk Nordic metal, old country and bluegrass. I also like classical, early rap, more jazzy hip-hop/trip-hop or political (here’s looking at you Public Enemy) rap. I’ve never much been into pop, but PJ Harvey, Lady Gaga & Billie Elish i have a soft spot for because of their voice, they speak their truth’s, and the dark feminine nature they exude (Check out Chelsea Wolf). Im not a swifty but I like that she speaks out her politics and stands her ground.
So I im going to try to answer one of the questions I asked above and of course it is not 100%, but my favorite band(s) of all time goes to CLUTCH. Every song is a story, the lyrics build it into a saga, and the music a foundation for a mythology.
I first saw them in my brother’s basement in Madison, WI. Everytime I see them it’s like meeting up with an old friend.
Released 1991
Released 1995
Released 1998
Released 2013
Released 2022
Clutch Clutch Album Cover 1995
Honorable mentions go to Carcass, The Dead Boys, Mastodon, Gwar, Godflesh, Boy Sets Fire, Paradise Lost, Subhumans, Grinch (west coast progressive hardcore), Bahaus, Circle Jerks, Black Flag, Amy Winehouse, The Cure, Beethoven, Curve, Public Enemy, Anthrax, Conflict, Brian Eno, Front Line Assembly, Skinny Puppy, Chelsea Wolf, Suldusk, Swallow the Sun, Red Fang, Melvins, My Bloody Valentine, Coil, etc…etc…etc…etc.…
Released 1986
Released 1992
Released 2019
Released 2006
Released 1991
Released 1977
So what do ally’all like? Can you answer this question?
-
Until Nothing Remains
Let them fall from your lips on the ground
And consume you in flames with your crown
You can add up your ill-gotten gains
And keep count till nothing remains
Rise ye wolves up above the sound
Through the choir of sheep as they drown
Raise the banner of the proud and untamed
Burn the kingdom down… until nothing remains
Death throe dance pul in quite the crowd
Cheering throngs of the scorned still unbowed
The system’s dead and we spit on the grave
Let it fucking rot… until nothing remains
You hide in a sickness that leaves you unbowed
Scorched earth policy friendships allow
For your dreams and their failings to mount
An assault on continous lies
Let them fall from your lips on the ground
And consume you in flames with your crown
You can add up your ill-gotten gains
And keep count till nothing remains
When ashes remain
Burn… ’til the truth is out
Burn… down to hallowed ground
Burn… and rebuild again
Burn. Burn. Until nothing remains
Boy Sets Fire
Written by: Joshua Latshaw, Nathan Gray, Robert Ehrenbrand, Charles W Istvan, Christopher Rakus
Album: While a Nation Sleeps
Released: 2013 -
incest wealth, bloated & depraved, voyeur of abomination
History teaches us a lesson about what the majority of the insanely rich and powerful become, how their brains devolve into psychosis, those that exist “As Above”; viewing the rest of us as meat bound chattle, flesh to be exploited, blood to be guzzled, to kill us with impunity, injure us, as if swallowing and bathing in the blood of virgins & the young can unwrinkle your skin or stop the ends of your DNA strands unraveling. The ultra-wealthy the powerful (abomination), these people use your labor, use disease, abort your health from the pollution they dump in your air, your water to make profit, use everthing to enrich themselves futher and steal your power, your health, & your confidence. The supposed miracle of laize-faire capitalism birthed into bloody flesh ripping cannibalism, disembowling itself, hedging itself, gorging itself on it’s own innards, betting on failure, only to leave shit, piss, bile, and gnashed bone.
Make you small, weak, prey.
Keep Rotting in the Free World
Consumer or consumed, your life is cheap
Economic salvation in sweatshops returned from the east,Despair the only quality of strife,
A reason for existence if you can afford the price,
If your price is right
250 years of the USA and it has birthed another generation of Nero’s, Bathory’s, D’sade’s, Caligula’s; your Maxwell’s, Diddy’s, Epsteins, Trumps, Fergusons, intelligence agencies…..we have called them the wealthy, rich, celebrities, CEO’s, intellectuals, left right, liberal conservative.
Ghouls who survive on the cannabilism of their fellow human beings. Spheres of power, as a super predator, you are the prey. They rape, commit genocide, murder, pollute and without question prove that wealth & power twist their humanity into abomination. Each inch given by us, the unwashed riff-raff, brings humanity a few feet closer to speciecide. The instable hunger of the abomination from insane levels of concentrated wealth and it’s self-serving power.
Multiple spheres of power coalesce, using other’s for the physical manifestation of their cruelty. It’s not enough to raise the prices of medication, or dump PCB’s in the water, force hunger, or steal your labor; they need to exert that power on living targets they can touch; deflowerimg by the domination of the powerless, those invisible. Rape is the goal, seeing the cruelty they created by their own hands, yielding that power must be seen physically and mentally on a victim, to enforce the fact that they beleive themselves “On High” over the rest of us who do not exist in their incestual nucleus of spheres; to manifest it, on a small scale for selfish gratification. The sweet suffering of the helpless; A sacrifice to their gluttonous god they worship: Themselves!
-
High Wire Escape Artist
I will never believe them (lies)
I’m sick of the weakness that controls me
Now that I’ve fallen, I will not repent
Bleed out all empathy
This vessel has no spirit left to hold on
To lies I’ve lived in full
How long can I hold tight
With every movement
Tension binds and denies
My true nature
The balance has shifted
Warped sick and twisted
Grabbing at angels when I fall
Because I am more than this idol
Endless recital
For all my demons to applaud
I am free
Hide myself from it all
While every fear is
Screaming night into dawn
Until I find
The balance has shifted
Warped sick and twisted
Grabbing at angels when I fall
Because I am more than this idol
Endless recital
For all my demons to applaud
I am free
Do I have to believe them? (Lies)
In order to attain fulfillment
I have to succumb to (lies)
All my inner fears that tear at me
I will never believe them (lies)
I’m sick of the weakness that controls me
Now that I’ve fallen, I will not repent
The balance has shifted
Warped sick and twisted
Grabbing at angels when I fall
Because I am more than this idol
Endless recital
For all my demons to applaud
I am freeBoy Sets Fire Written by: Joshua Latshaw, Nathan Gray, Robert Avery, Matthew Krupanski, Charles Istvan Album: Tomorrow Come Today Released: 2003
-
What do I stand for or was I born against?
Credit to the prompt goes to https://justrojie.com
How do you actually define this?
When you stand for something, that means you should be automatically against the binary inverse, unfortunately pride, arrogance, aggrieved victimhood, situational ethics (tribalism), can & will take these parts of character, twist them into unrecognizable mutants, and destroy those things once held dear into phantoms and outright frauds.
Sign Language 7″ compilation, Allied Recordings, 1992. https://www.discogs.com/release/2586751-Various-Sign-Language The above are three human conditions, I stand against. I have stood against them for basically my entire life. They are reflected in most of my actions, down to where i shop (I keep it small, local or regional as possible), who I support politicaly, and personal interactions with others. I view all people as equal at birth and all should have the same opportunities.
I question everything, even my personal philosophy, my left leaning politics, my character, my actions, what I beleive since I was young. Growing up in conflict has conditioned me into a powerful detachment, yet I am endlessly passionate when it comes to my beliefs, that “being rational”, that empathy & compassion in the end will make the case that these base human needs will win out and are more important than rage, bigotry, hate, apathy, & indifference.
“Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.”
Alexander Hamilton
No doubt I am a fool; but at the end of the day, looking into the mirror, it’s far more important that I expressed my character honorably and that I stand my ground.
©️ Jacob Pickard.2026.
-
Putting things in Perspective
Whenever life gets you down, Mrs Brown
And things seem hard or tough
And people are stupid, obnoxious or daft
And you feel that you’ve had quite enough
Absurdum for our absurd cruel world.
So remember when you’re feeling very small and insecure
How amazingly unlikely is your birth
And pray that there’s intelligent life somewhere up in space
‘Cause there’s bugger all down here on earth -
Holy Fuck! I’m famous 😂
I had no Idea that any of the bands i was in back in the day were even relevant, but I guess people like classical music from the mid-90’s. Although its missing i was one of the founding members of the band “Downer”, but i never played out with them.
Emo-punk back then was a completely different animal then what it has morphed into, which is more of a semi-goth fashion ascetic, rather than a mish-mash of rock, punk, hardcore, metal, even folk influences music type it was. Emo had nothing to do with look or style, it what was what’s inside that counted. Speaking up, baring your soul regardless of reaction of the audience. But hey! I was just a bass player.
Don’t get me started on what is considered to be “Goth” nowadays, it’s all become a fashion lifestyle were the music it aborted from it and is mostly just a side note. It’s a fact Bela Legosi is dead and the Sisters of Mercy didn’t include Sousxie and her Banshees. 😉
I think it was Hot Topic’s fault. Back in my day you had to go to a pet store to get a good chain collar to wear or mail order spikes for your black leather biker jacket. Damn kids! Whom are now in their 30’s. Ageing, is and always will be, the best self-own on those younger than yourself who are making fun of you for being older.
End of Witacre was the best of the three bands I was in ~1997. Of course ego’s got in the way of the one band i was in that had the talent and drive to make it, even if a little in the alt-music sphere. Remember this is way before MySpace, the internet music revolution, etc… recordings and making it to larger audiences back in the olden days was a lot more difficult than today because everything was analog and hardcopy.
Anyway, I stood my ground and defended my longtime band mate and friend Cory and decided that if they were going to kick him out, then I wouldn’t be part of the band either. Thus, break-up. I still stand by that decision. Loyalty, honor & character mean a lot to me. In the beginning of 1998 I moved back home to my parents house, played lots of starcraft, Diablo and went back to school concentrating on the natural sciences.
©️ Jacob Pickard. 2026.
-
Lilli-Vanilli
Teaching a dog how to dog?
It’s an interesting journey and learning experience. Lilli is the 3rd rescue. She was bred to breed, and not to dog or even puppy. She is learning and everyday becomes more confident and stronger.
The corn toy probably the first toy she has had ever. She watches, waits, measures me and my actions at all times. I understand. Actions are more powerful than words, a reality i understand.
Building trust takes time and affection. With dogs its not words its actions that matter (okay and good treats :))
I call her Lilli-girl, but for some reason Lilli-Vanilli caught my brain first, but it’s about her, finding her a forever home.
-
WuckFinter 2026 Feb. 22
Rays Liquors Wauwatosa, WI (MKE area)
Put Cheese & Beer, and Music in a parking lot on a 25 degree day and we shall come.
Raclette cheese 🧀! Mmmmmm… 
-
ALIEN_RELAY – ISSUE #6
-
May Haiku
Things have changed.
Time vigor pride beaten down by the club of life.
Resurrection?
Not while we’re alive.
©️ Jacob Pickard. 2025. Written ~ 2010. -
Houseplant Jungle
Crotan on the right ive had at least 26 years, sword, then a huge Monstera, Money Plant, Australian Fern and I forgot the species on the farm left. 
To the right a species of Prickly Pear, then two other cacti i forget the species of. The one on the left has a effed up growth pattern from years of slow growth, it’s a bit phallic. 
Madagascar Palm at least 10 years old. Transplanting hurts, a lot. FYI – I have a BS in Ecology. I took a lot of botany invertebrate zoology, mycology, loved studying algae, lots of marine as well and other focuses, because Ecology is multidisciplinary in nature. It’s really a deep-dive into system dynamics.
Always loved house plants before that though, hence a portion of my plant army.
-
Enlightened Journaling Prompt #1
Okay ive never done this before but here we go:
“What’s a stupid thing you do or say, and you know it’s dumb, that slightly annoy’s other people, but you do it anyway because you think it’s funny and you don’t care it annoy’s others?”
-
Crush
Having a crush?
Best feeling a person can have.
Full of new experiences
Heat, tounge, lips, hands……fingers…
The mental spike just as intense if it’s virtual or face-to-face.
-
Love
How it is expressed is important.
How it is not expressed is also important.
Understand that love is conditional, it can be unconditional, but that is rare.
-
Bad Bunny – Super Bowl Halftime Show
Fuck! Awesome.
Never heard him until today but he took the negative bullshit and raised it 100. No cowering, no mercy back.
I respect that he said what needed to be said. Pushed back without pulling punches.
-
Phe Phi Pho Num
Lunch today. I think it’s the best Pho in Milwaukee. Always get the large and had some chopped pork belly on the side with a hot pepper sauce.
Phongsavan Market Place
https://maps.app.goo.g/ida35ejzZ5kCDZq79
-
What disco did to Europe?
Im well aware of what Disco did to the USA, that it changed the Beegee’s from a rock band to a disco staple, giving us Saturday Night fever and pee yellow polyester leisure suits.
But ive never seen this…..
-
White Whale
I have no white whale to consume my soul, I am that white whale. Born a beast a monster: failures, oppression, hurt, murder, rape, death, genocide, femicide, and even your internal misery. I am your enemy i am your monster.
qualities you possess, your biological virtuous signaling superiority; a kingdom built of rage safe space for authority
victimhood aggreivment gives you power, self righteous-justification, superior unquestioned objectification
of me, the white whalepluck out my eyes, spear my flesh, spill my blood, sickle my fat, bind my girth, blind me with your spit, hell hath no fury like your scorn upon me, i am your monster, your beast, a sacrifice for the goddess your ruler above, penetrate me, rape me, a mangled object your conquest that was born guilty
Yes be Ahab, understand
While lashed on your shattered ship
Sinking into the ocean abyss
”Damning yourself was a choice, you created your end by decision, your agency was your own.”
“Never understanding the nature of revenge while you let me consume your soul, do you understand you never were free, as long as all your thoughts were always centered on me.”
I, the white whale swims free, I will forever, be the last thing your living eyes ever shall see
©️ Jacob Pickard. 2025. -
Social Media, Being A Writer & Bonding
So back in 2015 I stopped using Facebook and Social media all together, i did have a My Space before that. In-between I dabled in Reddit, twitter, and Instagram all of which in my point of view are cesspools. Not that I’m a saint, but I detest those who catfish & scam, trolls, asshole partisians, virtue superiority signaling, maga, aggreivment gender supremacist, trauma grifters, and the general way people treat eachother with disrespect and make instant judgements on your life and character. Also, the stalkers, who go after you, plenty of those ass hats.
I orginally quit social media in 2015 for two reasons, with my friends it felt hallow and fake why not just talk, the second was how MAGA used it with Cambridge Anylitica to get Trump elected, blatant manipulation and FaceBook was cool with it: that was to me grounds to tell FB to fuck off. I haven’t been back since, nor Amazon for that matter. I’ve always made decsions based on my politics and where I spend my money and what platform I allow to advertise to me i take important. One of the reasons I left Substack, because it’s owned by a libertarian tech bro. After the Charlie kirk assination they let MAGA gaslight and make death threats for at least a week. I have no doubt just like Zuckerberg & X, soon as a writer or blogger they will write into the terms that your work, copyright, or IP will no longer be protected.
The thing that disappoints me the most about social media is relationships with other people, or the superficiality of them. I am a person who always is trying to “bond”. I’ve found that the vast majority of people you think you are bonding with are not treating the experience of learning about eachother the same way you would physically, as in face to face. It’s as if the wired has a “buffer” that keeps these bonds that you build from ever becoming reality. I can’t imagine how it is to date with online apps, it must be like going through a menu at a 24 hour greek restaurant at 3am with a bunch of other drunk people.
In December of 2024, I went back in and to blueskye trying to push back against X like many X’ers, then came WordPress for my writing, then I left both for Substack in may of 2025 (also, partly because a WordPress writer was actively gaslighting me). I went to SS just when the notes part (the social media part) of SS came online. Though, I met a lot of cool people on Blueskye & Substack many who had helped me through some of the toughest emotionaly horrible months of my life, there has been only one that I have a meaningfull relationship with that I have from all of it.
The cruelty I faced for coming out regarding my assaults was sometimes overwhelming. The anger and spite directed at me for speaking out just to be heard, the cruelty, the hate, the rage. I finally had enough of it on SS too, like I had on Blueskye. Living with an assault considered taboo, I have no idea what I was thinking trying to find answers on social media sites. I was desperate just to find some grace in a world that views you as a villian at birth, even though you were not the villian, and the experience goes against the narrative.
Now, I plan on staying on WordPress. The last year has been an education for me. Social media is not for some people, I am one of them.
I’m a writer, on the darker side, and a terrible artist, but what I show you and what you read is genuine, it’s from my heart and mind. The majority of the art or images I take myself.
I give you me and I ask nothing from you in return.
©️ Jacob Pickard. 2026.
-
The next EROHERETIC
The next one is going to be extra dirty and kinky…….I asked Jake if it was too soon? Well..
Ecoheretic 